Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 40 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.
1. Grew up in a small town, when the rain would fall down
2. Dear baby baby, won't you, I go crazy crazy for you
3. I don't know when it all began to simmer down, suddenly I don't want you around
4. When we met, life was set, thoughts free flow you said you got something deep inside of you.
5. Hand out the window, floating on air, just a flick of the wrist and I am waving you goodbye
6. Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret
7. oh, you are taking me back from where I've been
8. I came into this world as reject
9. Am I more than you bargained for yet?
10. Who do you think you are? barging in on me and my guitar?
11. Every morning theres a halo hanging from the corner of my girlfriends four post bed.
12. Find me here, speak to me, I want to feel you, I need to hear you
13. I want you to remember, a love so full it could send us all ways
14. From an empty room in the first floor as the cars pass by the liquor store
15. I kissed a drunk girl
16. Avalanche she's sullen and too thin
17. Home is this quiet place where you should be alone
18. Where I come from isn't all that great, my automobile is a piece of crap
19. On my own, pretending he's beside me
20. Made the toast buy the eggs, never got the hang of them, just another other day
21. Broadway's dark tonight
22. While she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention
23. The Signal, is subtle, we pass just close enough to touch, no question, no answers, we know by now to say enough
24. They say in chess, you've got to kill the queen and then you've made it
25. This is the first day of my life, I swear I was born right in the doorway
26. I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason
27. This song goes out to my good friends, especially to the ones I had before the Grammy nomination in 2003
28. I never said I'd lie and wait forever. If I did we'd be together.
29. How the hell did we wind up like this?
30. Yeah take it or leave it yeah, did you get what you needed?
31. Maybe this time, I'll be lucky. Maybe this time, he'll stay.
32. All aboard hit the road, all the bullshit cant be ignored
33. Days swiftly come and go, I'm dreaming of her, She's seeing other guys, emotions astir
34. Closing Time, open all the doors and let you out into the world.
35. Yesterday I went insane, oh my god, I forgot my name
36. Something is wrong with the sum of us that I can't seem to erase
37. The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight, this is the moment that I live for, I can smell the ocean air
38. God damn you half Japanese girls, you do it to me every time (HAHAHAHAHA i love that this song came on.... but i digress)
39. Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness, I need to calculate what creates my own madness
40. You build me up you knock me down, provoke a smile and make me frown
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great
the year in review......woo hoo!
the whole 15 people debate? i fall on the apathetic side. they are fun to read, and serve an important cathartic purpose for the writer. i think that telling people how you feel is such an important part of being an adult. doing so anonymously is therapeutic and sometimes needed. i looked back at my last year's 15 ppl post, and i was pleased to say that most of what i wanted for those people in my life came true, occurred, or changed. how awesome is that? everything that i wished for in the people that were the closest to me actually happened. it isnt very often that we can say that about ourselves. its so encouraging to realize that i made the changes that i wanted to see in my relationships. rock on!
i didnt really expect to have such a great year. perhaps its my completely psychotic tendencies to see only the good and only the bad, but right now, i feel extremely good about the past year. i tend to go balls to the wall in everything i do, and also, make bad choices in general. as a result, i have put myself through some ridiculously painful experiences in my short life. looking back, i had a fantastic year, for me. i cant think of a single major regret. again, i find it important to reiterate how incredibly rare this is for me.
i think one of the reasons that i somehow managed to not make a monumental catastrophe out of my life was this stupid Menieres thing. as much as i ignore the whole "no alcohol or caffeine" rule, having this problem has really made me stop and consider the consequences of my actions more. as depressed as i was when i found out i had the condition, the constant reminder to look before i leap as definitely been a good thing for me.
there were so many highlights to this year......oh wow i cant even imagine listing them all.... i will say this though....growing up is getting kind of fun. :)
i really did sit down and think about what i would say in a 15 people post. to be honest, i have no deep, dark secrets from the past year. pretty much, if i felt something for someone, i told them, straight up. i cant think of anything that i need to anonymously get off my chest. that is such a liberating feeling, not having skeletons in the closet. i have definitely given up a lot of my angtsy emo mindset that pervaded my life since high school. i pretty much like where i am, where im going, and who im taking along on the ride with me. i feel so much more chill about life in general. i dont sweat the small stuff as much, and im definitely seeing the good in others a lot more. something that i noticed about myself this year, this past semester to be more specific, is that i hate people in general a lot less. the people who get on my nerves really arent that annoying. so either im getting more tolerant, or ppl in general are maturing around me. either way, this development is pretty much awesome. and unexpected as well!
such optimism is a rarity for me, so preserving it in a blog is really good. hopefully when i look at this a year from now, i wont disappoint myself.
heres to 2008! don't suck! ;)
the whole 15 people debate? i fall on the apathetic side. they are fun to read, and serve an important cathartic purpose for the writer. i think that telling people how you feel is such an important part of being an adult. doing so anonymously is therapeutic and sometimes needed. i looked back at my last year's 15 ppl post, and i was pleased to say that most of what i wanted for those people in my life came true, occurred, or changed. how awesome is that? everything that i wished for in the people that were the closest to me actually happened. it isnt very often that we can say that about ourselves. its so encouraging to realize that i made the changes that i wanted to see in my relationships. rock on!
i didnt really expect to have such a great year. perhaps its my completely psychotic tendencies to see only the good and only the bad, but right now, i feel extremely good about the past year. i tend to go balls to the wall in everything i do, and also, make bad choices in general. as a result, i have put myself through some ridiculously painful experiences in my short life. looking back, i had a fantastic year, for me. i cant think of a single major regret. again, i find it important to reiterate how incredibly rare this is for me.
i think one of the reasons that i somehow managed to not make a monumental catastrophe out of my life was this stupid Menieres thing. as much as i ignore the whole "no alcohol or caffeine" rule, having this problem has really made me stop and consider the consequences of my actions more. as depressed as i was when i found out i had the condition, the constant reminder to look before i leap as definitely been a good thing for me.
there were so many highlights to this year......oh wow i cant even imagine listing them all.... i will say this though....growing up is getting kind of fun. :)
i really did sit down and think about what i would say in a 15 people post. to be honest, i have no deep, dark secrets from the past year. pretty much, if i felt something for someone, i told them, straight up. i cant think of anything that i need to anonymously get off my chest. that is such a liberating feeling, not having skeletons in the closet. i have definitely given up a lot of my angtsy emo mindset that pervaded my life since high school. i pretty much like where i am, where im going, and who im taking along on the ride with me. i feel so much more chill about life in general. i dont sweat the small stuff as much, and im definitely seeing the good in others a lot more. something that i noticed about myself this year, this past semester to be more specific, is that i hate people in general a lot less. the people who get on my nerves really arent that annoying. so either im getting more tolerant, or ppl in general are maturing around me. either way, this development is pretty much awesome. and unexpected as well!
such optimism is a rarity for me, so preserving it in a blog is really good. hopefully when i look at this a year from now, i wont disappoint myself.
heres to 2008! don't suck! ;)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
bah humbug :)
since i am infamous for hating christmas, i decided that after having a wonderful one, i ought to write about it. :) one of my resolutions is to write about the good stuff in this blog so that i can go back and look at it later.
christmas wasn't so bad this year. i did the whole family function thing, basically i socialized a little and drank a lot of wine. i came home and immediately changed into my pajamas, and began IMing adrie and senyee. eventually all three of us were telling each other about some tough stuff we were going through at home. adrie said, "im bored, restless, and its still really early. i want to go out but nothings open" and i said "lets find a diner or something, we need to get out of here" and we convinced senyee to come too. adrie sprang into the car, and picked us both up, and we headed to Dennys for an overextended late night second dinner. it was glorious, we talked and laughed and chilled out for a few hours, eating dark chocolate truffles in celebration of us hating the holidays, and generally unwinding and enjoying each others company. adrie and i were still in our pajamas. eventually, i came home and bounded upstairs, unable to stop smiling.
just that few hours with my friends really relaxed me and made everything ok again. it reminded me of a conversation that brian, jon, adrie, senyee and i had while we were in the hot tub on the ski trip. adrie senyee and i found our true friends in each other in high school, whereas traditionally, people connect with each other in a meaningful way at college. my high school experience with these girls was... let's say, less than traditional. we had crazy, crazy times in high school and we were always there for each other. some people dont find long lasting friendships until college, but we have each other and i feel like we always will.
at school, i feel i have no time at all for me. at home, i have nothing but time. time to reflect on home, family, my brother, my mom, etc. i have been doing my best to escape home since junior year of high school, and i am continuing to do that by going on trips i cant afford, with people who are trying to escape just the way i am. its incredibly comforting to be able to rely on someone to randomly decide to spend a few hours talking at dennys on christmas night when the holidays were getting me down. to have two people to share that with is truly a blessing. i have had quite a few lows in my life. and instead of abandoning me because i was a shitshow, my friends hunkered down and picked me up, stayed by me, and sweated out all of my destruction. i hurt them. i have been hurt by them. and the beauty is that somehow we realize that sometimes we all hurt each other because they are hurting too. and thats ok somehow.
......wow. this post got way more emotional than i expected. basically, this christmas was the best one ive had in a few years. and my friends made it happen for me. and im eternally thankful to have them in my life.
heres to my weird friends who really get me....
christmas wasn't so bad this year. i did the whole family function thing, basically i socialized a little and drank a lot of wine. i came home and immediately changed into my pajamas, and began IMing adrie and senyee. eventually all three of us were telling each other about some tough stuff we were going through at home. adrie said, "im bored, restless, and its still really early. i want to go out but nothings open" and i said "lets find a diner or something, we need to get out of here" and we convinced senyee to come too. adrie sprang into the car, and picked us both up, and we headed to Dennys for an overextended late night second dinner. it was glorious, we talked and laughed and chilled out for a few hours, eating dark chocolate truffles in celebration of us hating the holidays, and generally unwinding and enjoying each others company. adrie and i were still in our pajamas. eventually, i came home and bounded upstairs, unable to stop smiling.
just that few hours with my friends really relaxed me and made everything ok again. it reminded me of a conversation that brian, jon, adrie, senyee and i had while we were in the hot tub on the ski trip. adrie senyee and i found our true friends in each other in high school, whereas traditionally, people connect with each other in a meaningful way at college. my high school experience with these girls was... let's say, less than traditional. we had crazy, crazy times in high school and we were always there for each other. some people dont find long lasting friendships until college, but we have each other and i feel like we always will.
at school, i feel i have no time at all for me. at home, i have nothing but time. time to reflect on home, family, my brother, my mom, etc. i have been doing my best to escape home since junior year of high school, and i am continuing to do that by going on trips i cant afford, with people who are trying to escape just the way i am. its incredibly comforting to be able to rely on someone to randomly decide to spend a few hours talking at dennys on christmas night when the holidays were getting me down. to have two people to share that with is truly a blessing. i have had quite a few lows in my life. and instead of abandoning me because i was a shitshow, my friends hunkered down and picked me up, stayed by me, and sweated out all of my destruction. i hurt them. i have been hurt by them. and the beauty is that somehow we realize that sometimes we all hurt each other because they are hurting too. and thats ok somehow.
......wow. this post got way more emotional than i expected. basically, this christmas was the best one ive had in a few years. and my friends made it happen for me. and im eternally thankful to have them in my life.
heres to my weird friends who really get me....
Saturday, December 22, 2007
woo hoo
wow..... i am back from the best vacation i have had in a while. i went on a ski trip with 7 other people for the last 3 days, and i have to say that it was just what i needed. there were 3 people that were my best friends in the world for years, and there were 4 people that i really didn't know at all, so it was the perfect balance of getting to hang out with my best friends and hanging out with new, cool people.
among the highlights of the trip:
-being stranded in the car when it was too icy to get back up the driveway we came down; scary as hell at the time, but hilarious now
-the house; it was awesome! (once we found it)
-drinking the first night we were there
-epic drunk adventures through the snow
-the jacuzzi! soooooooo great!
-the pool!
-drinking in the jacuzzi and the pool!
-secret girltalk at every random opportunity :)
among the lowlights:
-i suck at skiing. seriously. im a miserable, walking bruise.
-there was one place to eat in miles
-we couldnt shoot pool at the lame ass bar
-we stayed for only 2 nights!!! sad times!
-we ended up in levittown instead of philadelphia when we came home
overall, KICKASS vacation, despite minor minor setbacks. i cant wait to go again! (if i decide to do that) it was just exactly the kind of thing that i needed.
yay contentment!
among the highlights of the trip:
-being stranded in the car when it was too icy to get back up the driveway we came down; scary as hell at the time, but hilarious now
-the house; it was awesome! (once we found it)
-drinking the first night we were there
-epic drunk adventures through the snow
-the jacuzzi! soooooooo great!
-the pool!
-drinking in the jacuzzi and the pool!
-secret girltalk at every random opportunity :)
among the lowlights:
-i suck at skiing. seriously. im a miserable, walking bruise.
-there was one place to eat in miles
-we couldnt shoot pool at the lame ass bar
-we stayed for only 2 nights!!! sad times!
-we ended up in levittown instead of philadelphia when we came home
overall, KICKASS vacation, despite minor minor setbacks. i cant wait to go again! (if i decide to do that) it was just exactly the kind of thing that i needed.
yay contentment!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
long time no update
so i figured after browsing everyone else blogs, i ought to update my own. it's only fair and all, considering i have yet to update for the entire semester.
looking back on fall '07 kind of depresses me. i feel like most of my time was spent running from one responsibility to the other, completely in autopilot. i never really stopped, or even slowed down to think to take care of myself and my own needs and wants. somewhere between VP business, BSM for Urinetown, internship at the DA's office, planning and executing the entire Haunted House, Writing Fellows, Writing Tutor, and work study in the English Department, i ended up with no free time.
go figure.
this resulted, as anyone who has seen me post Urinetown knows, in a chronic illness that just wouldn't quit. not only was i sick for about 3 weeks (which is outlandish) but i also ended up burning out by the last two weeks of the semester. i realized it the moment that i sat down to begin a few of the final papers that were due for my classes. i just kind of gazed at my walls with colorful post-it notes that were full of untouched to-do lists, looking at my trashcan and floor that was littered with finished to-do lists, and realized that my whole damn semester was full of things that i NEEDED to get done. not wanted to do. not always enjoyed doing. this realization came at a shitty time, because it made me extremely reluctant to finish my final papers for my classes. i ended up turning in one of them 24 hours late. which, at my mindset at the time, wasn't that big of a deal.
i ended up trying to spend as much time as i could doing whatever the hell i wanted to do in the last two weeks of school. i student rushed Peter Pan at the walnut street theatre. AMAZING! i went to a BYO and got drunk, two Tuesday nights in a row. Funnest thing ever! i made plans to go to the franklin institute drunk.... that didnt end up happening, but we did shots and watched Cabaret instead. which would have been awesome, had the movie not sucked.... liza minelli tried to save it, but failed. i went shopping on south street before sweeney todd and impulse-bought cute underwear! anyway, my point being, i milked everything that i could out of the time that i had. its sad that most of my leisure moments of the semester were found in December. i remember that most days of the week and weekends, i was so tired from my incredibly long, busy days, all i wanted to do was come home and relax, instead of do something fun. this depresses me.
my burnout for the semester is still killing me. i have a lot of stuff to accomplish over break, and im being languid at best in my efforts to tackle it. i feel really very pathetic. if all of my various positions are draining me, why do i do them? what do i really gain from kicking myself in the ass every day of the week?
the best i can do is make changes for the spring. and i've already made a good choice, i am pretty sure. i quit producer of the mavericks. i knew that i wouldn't be able to devote the time and effort that it deserves. i immediately knew that deferring this position to someone else was a good choice because the day after i quit, i noticed ads up for submitting scripts. i felt relieved. as much as i care about mavericks, and would have LOVED producing, i wasn't able to do it justice with all of the other crap i had swirling around in my life. john will do a fantastic job.
here's to recharging my batteries after draining them entirely...
looking back on fall '07 kind of depresses me. i feel like most of my time was spent running from one responsibility to the other, completely in autopilot. i never really stopped, or even slowed down to think to take care of myself and my own needs and wants. somewhere between VP business, BSM for Urinetown, internship at the DA's office, planning and executing the entire Haunted House, Writing Fellows, Writing Tutor, and work study in the English Department, i ended up with no free time.
go figure.
this resulted, as anyone who has seen me post Urinetown knows, in a chronic illness that just wouldn't quit. not only was i sick for about 3 weeks (which is outlandish) but i also ended up burning out by the last two weeks of the semester. i realized it the moment that i sat down to begin a few of the final papers that were due for my classes. i just kind of gazed at my walls with colorful post-it notes that were full of untouched to-do lists, looking at my trashcan and floor that was littered with finished to-do lists, and realized that my whole damn semester was full of things that i NEEDED to get done. not wanted to do. not always enjoyed doing. this realization came at a shitty time, because it made me extremely reluctant to finish my final papers for my classes. i ended up turning in one of them 24 hours late. which, at my mindset at the time, wasn't that big of a deal.
i ended up trying to spend as much time as i could doing whatever the hell i wanted to do in the last two weeks of school. i student rushed Peter Pan at the walnut street theatre. AMAZING! i went to a BYO and got drunk, two Tuesday nights in a row. Funnest thing ever! i made plans to go to the franklin institute drunk.... that didnt end up happening, but we did shots and watched Cabaret instead. which would have been awesome, had the movie not sucked.... liza minelli tried to save it, but failed. i went shopping on south street before sweeney todd and impulse-bought cute underwear! anyway, my point being, i milked everything that i could out of the time that i had. its sad that most of my leisure moments of the semester were found in December. i remember that most days of the week and weekends, i was so tired from my incredibly long, busy days, all i wanted to do was come home and relax, instead of do something fun. this depresses me.
my burnout for the semester is still killing me. i have a lot of stuff to accomplish over break, and im being languid at best in my efforts to tackle it. i feel really very pathetic. if all of my various positions are draining me, why do i do them? what do i really gain from kicking myself in the ass every day of the week?
the best i can do is make changes for the spring. and i've already made a good choice, i am pretty sure. i quit producer of the mavericks. i knew that i wouldn't be able to devote the time and effort that it deserves. i immediately knew that deferring this position to someone else was a good choice because the day after i quit, i noticed ads up for submitting scripts. i felt relieved. as much as i care about mavericks, and would have LOVED producing, i wasn't able to do it justice with all of the other crap i had swirling around in my life. john will do a fantastic job.
here's to recharging my batteries after draining them entirely...
Monday, June 25, 2007
Alive! with the glory of ....
...LOVE those song lyrics that dan posted in his profile! the song has been playing in my head for a few weeks now, and its kind of one of my favorite songs ever.
so i feel like everything in my life right now is pointing to the single phrase: "Welcome to the summer of awesome". and its only a sarcastic phrase like 10% of the time. the last month for me has been the most amazing that i've felt in an extremely long time, ie: like since high school. i've been active and traveling a hell of a lot. it feels like im in a different city every weekend, and sometimes in more than one city every weekend. brief synopsis on my adventures thus far:
- jack's mannequin concert kicked off the summer of awesome. the concert was AMAZING, only cost me five bucks and was followed by hysterical drunken adventures afterwards. also, the next day i waited in line for 45 minutes for a cheesesteak that rivaled Pat's.
- went to ocean city for a day. it was sooo awesome just to lie on the beach for a day and soak up some sun and just talk.
- joanna's grad party. really fun, just chilin', drinking, losing miserably at beer pong and meeting joanna's family and home friends.
- NYC with MC! SOOOO much fun....went shopping in chinatown, rode the NYC subway and the Long Island Railroad, had a cappuchino in little italy, bought awesome sunglasses and an amazing hat, played beer pong, two-tiered and otherwise, (Team Asian, undefeated!) got to watch a drunken shouting match between Mets fans and Yankees fans, and talked to random strangers on the train.
- went to ocean city for the night. played bet your liver with corona, tried to play drunk putt putt, but the places were closed, so i just ran on the beach and splashed ppl.
- went to jaime's grad party. was nice to see everyone again, and nice to leave once the drama got to be a little too much to bear.
whew! and those were just the weekends! during the week i work for the largest commercial real estate firm in the world, CB Richard Ellis, in Baltimore city. i really really like my job. its extremely fast paced and busy at times, while at others, i just kind of stare off into space and daydream about my weekend plans. im learning a lot and i am using computer programs that i have never used before. my favorite thing to do at work is create marketing flyers. i get to be creative and use some of my vocabulary to sell real estate. sounds boring to say it, but i enjoy it. i got a compliment on the first ad that i did, and i was really proud of it. the worst part of my job is having to figure out how to do stuff on the computer the hard way. i really like the people im working for too. they are really nice and very helpful and make conversation with me when they can. and at the end of the day when everyones getting off and getting antsy to go home, they start to talk about their outside lives and telling interesting risque stories, and i laugh at them.
in other news, i have a new boyfriend. hes amazing. im crazy about him and he makes me extremely happy. he was involved in most of my weekend adventures described above (all but NYC) and he makes my life fun.
this summer is truly turning out to be the best ive ever had. and its only been one month.
on the docket for the rest of the summer:
- TBA: MC is coming to baltimore! i'll show her all the cool stuff, it should take that long, then we can drink!
- TBA: im going back to NYC, as soon as i have some more money.
- TBA: going down to salisbury to visit kellie!!
- july 18 & 19: up to lasalle for director interviews
- july 20-22: Ocean city with adrie and senyee!!!! gonna be sooo much fun!!
- august 18: my cousins wedding! im so excited, i finally get to meet her husband!
- august 25: MCR CONCERT!!! Gonna be a fucking blast!!! cant wait!!!
everything is gonna be so good. i just cant wait for the rest of the summer, but at the same time, i dont want it to end.
good night world. i cant wait to wake up in the morning and just be happy to be having a great life.
so i feel like everything in my life right now is pointing to the single phrase: "Welcome to the summer of awesome". and its only a sarcastic phrase like 10% of the time. the last month for me has been the most amazing that i've felt in an extremely long time, ie: like since high school. i've been active and traveling a hell of a lot. it feels like im in a different city every weekend, and sometimes in more than one city every weekend. brief synopsis on my adventures thus far:
- jack's mannequin concert kicked off the summer of awesome. the concert was AMAZING, only cost me five bucks and was followed by hysterical drunken adventures afterwards. also, the next day i waited in line for 45 minutes for a cheesesteak that rivaled Pat's.
- went to ocean city for a day. it was sooo awesome just to lie on the beach for a day and soak up some sun and just talk.
- joanna's grad party. really fun, just chilin', drinking, losing miserably at beer pong and meeting joanna's family and home friends.
- NYC with MC! SOOOO much fun....went shopping in chinatown, rode the NYC subway and the Long Island Railroad, had a cappuchino in little italy, bought awesome sunglasses and an amazing hat, played beer pong, two-tiered and otherwise, (Team Asian, undefeated!) got to watch a drunken shouting match between Mets fans and Yankees fans, and talked to random strangers on the train.
- went to ocean city for the night. played bet your liver with corona, tried to play drunk putt putt, but the places were closed, so i just ran on the beach and splashed ppl.
- went to jaime's grad party. was nice to see everyone again, and nice to leave once the drama got to be a little too much to bear.
whew! and those were just the weekends! during the week i work for the largest commercial real estate firm in the world, CB Richard Ellis, in Baltimore city. i really really like my job. its extremely fast paced and busy at times, while at others, i just kind of stare off into space and daydream about my weekend plans. im learning a lot and i am using computer programs that i have never used before. my favorite thing to do at work is create marketing flyers. i get to be creative and use some of my vocabulary to sell real estate. sounds boring to say it, but i enjoy it. i got a compliment on the first ad that i did, and i was really proud of it. the worst part of my job is having to figure out how to do stuff on the computer the hard way. i really like the people im working for too. they are really nice and very helpful and make conversation with me when they can. and at the end of the day when everyones getting off and getting antsy to go home, they start to talk about their outside lives and telling interesting risque stories, and i laugh at them.
in other news, i have a new boyfriend. hes amazing. im crazy about him and he makes me extremely happy. he was involved in most of my weekend adventures described above (all but NYC) and he makes my life fun.
this summer is truly turning out to be the best ive ever had. and its only been one month.
on the docket for the rest of the summer:
- TBA: MC is coming to baltimore! i'll show her all the cool stuff, it should take that long, then we can drink!
- TBA: im going back to NYC, as soon as i have some more money.
- TBA: going down to salisbury to visit kellie!!
- july 18 & 19: up to lasalle for director interviews
- july 20-22: Ocean city with adrie and senyee!!!! gonna be sooo much fun!!
- august 18: my cousins wedding! im so excited, i finally get to meet her husband!
- august 25: MCR CONCERT!!! Gonna be a fucking blast!!! cant wait!!!
everything is gonna be so good. i just cant wait for the rest of the summer, but at the same time, i dont want it to end.
good night world. i cant wait to wake up in the morning and just be happy to be having a great life.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
an update...
...in outline form.
taking a bath, not a shower, in a tub, not a communal bathroom, for as long as i want = fucking awesome
my aunt's crab soup = amazing
my dad washing my sheets for me = yay!
having lots of boxes to unpack = boo...
watching heroes on madelines big TV instead of my small one = awesome!
not watching heroes with madeline = :(
calling her afterwards and filling her in on the episode = yay!
home cooked meal = yay!
queen-sized bed = awesome!
a long nap on said queen-sized bed = aaaaaamazing
eating chocolate icing out of the fridge = not good for me, but still good!
not having a job for the summer yet = good and bad
finally being able to relax = priceless.
taking a bath, not a shower, in a tub, not a communal bathroom, for as long as i want = fucking awesome
my aunt's crab soup = amazing
my dad washing my sheets for me = yay!
having lots of boxes to unpack = boo...
watching heroes on madelines big TV instead of my small one = awesome!
not watching heroes with madeline = :(
calling her afterwards and filling her in on the episode = yay!
home cooked meal = yay!
queen-sized bed = awesome!
a long nap on said queen-sized bed = aaaaaamazing
eating chocolate icing out of the fridge = not good for me, but still good!
not having a job for the summer yet = good and bad
finally being able to relax = priceless.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
favorite words
backstage, during philadelphia story, we were talking about our favorite words. i just thought of another one that i really really like; macabre. i dont know why, but i think it reveals a lot about my personality. i like it because its spelled not the way its said, so if you learned it by hearing it, you wouldnt know how to spell it, and if u learned it while reading it, you wouldnt know how to say it. plus i like the meaning of it too. i guess im just weird.
so glad the semester's winding down. not looking forward to going home, but im just sick of so much bullshit thats going on. like school for example. entirely done with school. speaking of which, i totally have a 7-10 page paper due tomorrow. its not done. i started it though. i've suddenly felt so over school. i mean, what does it really mean in the long term run of things? we're just paying a whole lot of money to play along in some huge constructed game of life. the most important things in life - love, family, things like that - have very little to do with succeeding in school at all. in fact, these things interfere with school so frequently.
unfortunately, im feeling so much better about life in general. i say its unfortunate because its nicely coincided with not caring about papers and projects and such. the second i begin to care about school again is the moment that my happiness disappears. isnt that what life is all about? denying ones own happiness to fulfill the expectations of someone else? yes yes. thats what our culture is teaching us.
wow im feeling so odd. its a great feeling but its a weird one. it might be bad too, since im not done my paper and its so late. eh, i seriously dont care though.
i like feeling good for once. i really got my head back on straight. theres no use getting all bogged down in the past. and theres no use in listening to anyone at all. after all, i know whats best for me all the time. and if im wrong, its ok, im only hurting myself. and i always get over everything. thats just how i am. i know whats important to me and i know what i have and what i dont. no more delusions. just purity. this is a really great feeling. i'll glad that i found it again, at least that someone had the kindness to give it back to me.
macabre..... he he he....
so glad the semester's winding down. not looking forward to going home, but im just sick of so much bullshit thats going on. like school for example. entirely done with school. speaking of which, i totally have a 7-10 page paper due tomorrow. its not done. i started it though. i've suddenly felt so over school. i mean, what does it really mean in the long term run of things? we're just paying a whole lot of money to play along in some huge constructed game of life. the most important things in life - love, family, things like that - have very little to do with succeeding in school at all. in fact, these things interfere with school so frequently.
unfortunately, im feeling so much better about life in general. i say its unfortunate because its nicely coincided with not caring about papers and projects and such. the second i begin to care about school again is the moment that my happiness disappears. isnt that what life is all about? denying ones own happiness to fulfill the expectations of someone else? yes yes. thats what our culture is teaching us.
wow im feeling so odd. its a great feeling but its a weird one. it might be bad too, since im not done my paper and its so late. eh, i seriously dont care though.
i like feeling good for once. i really got my head back on straight. theres no use getting all bogged down in the past. and theres no use in listening to anyone at all. after all, i know whats best for me all the time. and if im wrong, its ok, im only hurting myself. and i always get over everything. thats just how i am. i know whats important to me and i know what i have and what i dont. no more delusions. just purity. this is a really great feeling. i'll glad that i found it again, at least that someone had the kindness to give it back to me.
macabre..... he he he....
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
i was told to update
holy crap, i actually have a bit of free time? this is a complete accident. the beginnings of my week are usually so jam packed its a wonder i accomplish anything.
project appalachia is coming up! and so is baby week(s)! i'm so excited for both. im a bit worried though. i had a strange illness 2 weeks ago, i was pretty much incapacitated for a week. i rushed home to see a doctor and he gave me a tentative diagnosis of Meniere's disease. (google it). he has to do some testing to confirm it, but i had all the symptoms of an attack - severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting, and ringing fullness and loss of hearing in one ear. basically, hearing that scared me. in order to prevent another attack, i need to avoid caffiene, alcohol, stress, and get enough sleep every night and eat three full meals a day. basically, do everything thats contrary to my current lifestyle and schedule. im definitely terrified of another attack, i lost an entire week, a lot of school work, and was extremely weakened by the experience. i was so terrified that i missed so much of everything....the service trips auction, opening night of drawer boy, about 7 of my writing fellows appointments, things like that. it was an incredible struggle to go to drawer boy at all. i ignored my doctors orders and went back to school two days eariler that he recommended. i struggled to finish my two platforms for eboard and somehow stay on my feet during my week of recovery. my hearing is mostly returned but i still get dizzy if i turn my head to the right.
im really annoyed at this stupid thing. i dont need this in my life right now. i have a lot of responsibilities and am pretty busy with them all. im not very good at taking care of myself and this illness has already really gotten in the way! i feel like i missed so much, and im going to continue to miss things. for example i have to miss a production meeting for philadelphia story this thursday (!!!!) because im going home for the testing. this is incredily frustrating. i hate feeling worried that if i dont get enough sleep or skip a meal i will have an attack and will lose another week. just that one weekend really set me askew. i feel behind already and i hate that feeling!
i have been really worried about this, it came at such a weird time. im finally feeling happy and adjusted and recovered from the semester from hell (aka fall '06) and like i can really do anything i want to...i just feel a renewed sense of autonomy and comfort, like im just ok with the way life is going right now. then this attack happened, now i have to wonder if i need to incorporate a new set of habits into my lifestyle. will i be able to help at tech during hell week? will i be able to use power tools at project appalachia? will i be able to keep up with all my work in my classes and AD the one act, and do tech for philadelphia story, and take a kid for the masque, and learn all the responsibilities of VP business, and keep myself healthy enough to not have any more attacks? is something i really need to take seriously? im just glad that this didnt happen during J & H. what a shitshow that would have been. what would have happened if i had gotten sick then? what if i get sick during finals week?
the biggest blessing out of this is that i have really supportive friends that are there for me when i need help and care about me when something happens. its really humbling having four ppl help me walk down the hall and helping me into my dads car holding my barf bag the whole time. but it really made me appreciate what i have. if it werent for a good friend at my computer, sending out emails that i was dictating in between vomiting into a trash can, i wouldnt have been able to let anyone know what was going on with me. many people asked me if i was ok when i showed up for drawer boy performances, and granted, i couldnt hear them very well, but i appreciated their concern. i guess i tend to stress my friends out when i do stubborn things like try to push myself when im weak, but im sorry, its in my nature. i never know when to say no or take care of myself. i guess thats what this experience is supposed to teach me.
well here goes. i have testing this friday, leaving on thursday after class, and trying hard to return to lasalle in time for my lab on friday morning. we'll see how that goes.
good night world
project appalachia is coming up! and so is baby week(s)! i'm so excited for both. im a bit worried though. i had a strange illness 2 weeks ago, i was pretty much incapacitated for a week. i rushed home to see a doctor and he gave me a tentative diagnosis of Meniere's disease. (google it). he has to do some testing to confirm it, but i had all the symptoms of an attack - severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting, and ringing fullness and loss of hearing in one ear. basically, hearing that scared me. in order to prevent another attack, i need to avoid caffiene, alcohol, stress, and get enough sleep every night and eat three full meals a day. basically, do everything thats contrary to my current lifestyle and schedule. im definitely terrified of another attack, i lost an entire week, a lot of school work, and was extremely weakened by the experience. i was so terrified that i missed so much of everything....the service trips auction, opening night of drawer boy, about 7 of my writing fellows appointments, things like that. it was an incredible struggle to go to drawer boy at all. i ignored my doctors orders and went back to school two days eariler that he recommended. i struggled to finish my two platforms for eboard and somehow stay on my feet during my week of recovery. my hearing is mostly returned but i still get dizzy if i turn my head to the right.
im really annoyed at this stupid thing. i dont need this in my life right now. i have a lot of responsibilities and am pretty busy with them all. im not very good at taking care of myself and this illness has already really gotten in the way! i feel like i missed so much, and im going to continue to miss things. for example i have to miss a production meeting for philadelphia story this thursday (!!!!) because im going home for the testing. this is incredily frustrating. i hate feeling worried that if i dont get enough sleep or skip a meal i will have an attack and will lose another week. just that one weekend really set me askew. i feel behind already and i hate that feeling!
i have been really worried about this, it came at such a weird time. im finally feeling happy and adjusted and recovered from the semester from hell (aka fall '06) and like i can really do anything i want to...i just feel a renewed sense of autonomy and comfort, like im just ok with the way life is going right now. then this attack happened, now i have to wonder if i need to incorporate a new set of habits into my lifestyle. will i be able to help at tech during hell week? will i be able to use power tools at project appalachia? will i be able to keep up with all my work in my classes and AD the one act, and do tech for philadelphia story, and take a kid for the masque, and learn all the responsibilities of VP business, and keep myself healthy enough to not have any more attacks? is something i really need to take seriously? im just glad that this didnt happen during J & H. what a shitshow that would have been. what would have happened if i had gotten sick then? what if i get sick during finals week?
the biggest blessing out of this is that i have really supportive friends that are there for me when i need help and care about me when something happens. its really humbling having four ppl help me walk down the hall and helping me into my dads car holding my barf bag the whole time. but it really made me appreciate what i have. if it werent for a good friend at my computer, sending out emails that i was dictating in between vomiting into a trash can, i wouldnt have been able to let anyone know what was going on with me. many people asked me if i was ok when i showed up for drawer boy performances, and granted, i couldnt hear them very well, but i appreciated their concern. i guess i tend to stress my friends out when i do stubborn things like try to push myself when im weak, but im sorry, its in my nature. i never know when to say no or take care of myself. i guess thats what this experience is supposed to teach me.
well here goes. i have testing this friday, leaving on thursday after class, and trying hard to return to lasalle in time for my lab on friday morning. we'll see how that goes.
good night world
Thursday, January 11, 2007
ho hum
laundry in the dryer, nothing new or fascinating on facebook, no one in the house. what is there to do? i've been hesitating on doing the 15 people thing. i think its a great idea in theory, for other people, but i dont know if it will work out that well for me. i tend to say things too harshly and offend people without wanting to. i guess the only remedy would be to keep things brief and light hearted. all the angry stuff i say will be brief. well here goes nothing:
1) i really respect you but sometimes i think you are missing out on life. i worry about you. you do this tunnel vision thing where you focus on the bad part and fail to see the bigger picture. i wish you knew how lucky you are and how much i envy you, in a good way!
2) i wish you and i were closer friends. you're awesome and i wish i could be more like you.
3) i'm really glad that you and i got to be better friends this semester. you have the brutal honesty and the consistancy of character that i strive for. talking with you has really helped me out a lot and i wish you knew how much it meant to me. i have a sneaking suspicion that you will be too busy to talk to me in the spring but i have accepted that. i wish you were more comfortable telling me more about yourself.
4) i miss you like whoa. you are seriously the highlight of my day when i do get a chance to hang out with you. be around more!
5) you're awesome and i wish that you and i spent more time together. you seem so cute and innocent but you have this deceptive streak of sarcasm that lights up my life. im jealous that you're prettier than me sometimes. i promise we will have more bonding time this spring!
6) im worried about you. you have changed and i dont know if i am ok with it. i always tried to protect you but now i cant anymore and it kills me. you seem to be very mad at me whenever we hang out. did i do something? why do you hate me so much? i want to fix us.
7) i'm pretty much crazy about you. you are there for me when i need to rant and you take care of me when i'm too retarded to take care of myself. you and i have bonded so much over the last two years and i cherish that deeply. i wish you could feel complete without wanting a guy in your life. but i still want you to have one!
8) stop hurting my best friend. you piss me off.
9) i have a love hate thing with you. sometimes i talk smack about you but i have a great deal of admiration for you. trust me i would never say this to your face. sometimes i wonder "what if" but that is quickly squelshed by reality. your cool, and annoying, and nice, and nasty at times. and i like that. keep it up.
10) i like talking to you and im glad that were friends but at times you can be extremely arrogant.
11) sometimes you hate me, sometimes you can tolerate me. i cant stand how back and forth you are with me. i put up with it for years but i've lost patience for it. i miss the way you used to be, before the world got to you. go back inside your bubble where you were safe from the shitty world that you have to live in. i miss the old you.
12) i will never forgive you. ever.
13) i miss you the most. you seem to be the only one who gets me without even trying. you and i were always partners in crime and we have so many secrets that i treasure. my goal was to spend more time with you last semester and i sucked hardcore at it. i just wish that you and i didnt live in such polar opposite worlds. i want us to be the way we always were. i need you in my life and at my lowest and highest points, i think of you and realize it the most. i wish i could trust you enough to tell you everything.
14) i think i have you figured out. i hope i'm right...
15) you. ah, you... you're a coward. get over yourself.
hm that was a lot easier than it looks. if you think you see yourself in this list, take a guess at which one you are.
1) i really respect you but sometimes i think you are missing out on life. i worry about you. you do this tunnel vision thing where you focus on the bad part and fail to see the bigger picture. i wish you knew how lucky you are and how much i envy you, in a good way!
2) i wish you and i were closer friends. you're awesome and i wish i could be more like you.
3) i'm really glad that you and i got to be better friends this semester. you have the brutal honesty and the consistancy of character that i strive for. talking with you has really helped me out a lot and i wish you knew how much it meant to me. i have a sneaking suspicion that you will be too busy to talk to me in the spring but i have accepted that. i wish you were more comfortable telling me more about yourself.
4) i miss you like whoa. you are seriously the highlight of my day when i do get a chance to hang out with you. be around more!
5) you're awesome and i wish that you and i spent more time together. you seem so cute and innocent but you have this deceptive streak of sarcasm that lights up my life. im jealous that you're prettier than me sometimes. i promise we will have more bonding time this spring!
6) im worried about you. you have changed and i dont know if i am ok with it. i always tried to protect you but now i cant anymore and it kills me. you seem to be very mad at me whenever we hang out. did i do something? why do you hate me so much? i want to fix us.
7) i'm pretty much crazy about you. you are there for me when i need to rant and you take care of me when i'm too retarded to take care of myself. you and i have bonded so much over the last two years and i cherish that deeply. i wish you could feel complete without wanting a guy in your life. but i still want you to have one!
8) stop hurting my best friend. you piss me off.
9) i have a love hate thing with you. sometimes i talk smack about you but i have a great deal of admiration for you. trust me i would never say this to your face. sometimes i wonder "what if" but that is quickly squelshed by reality. your cool, and annoying, and nice, and nasty at times. and i like that. keep it up.
10) i like talking to you and im glad that were friends but at times you can be extremely arrogant.
11) sometimes you hate me, sometimes you can tolerate me. i cant stand how back and forth you are with me. i put up with it for years but i've lost patience for it. i miss the way you used to be, before the world got to you. go back inside your bubble where you were safe from the shitty world that you have to live in. i miss the old you.
12) i will never forgive you. ever.
13) i miss you the most. you seem to be the only one who gets me without even trying. you and i were always partners in crime and we have so many secrets that i treasure. my goal was to spend more time with you last semester and i sucked hardcore at it. i just wish that you and i didnt live in such polar opposite worlds. i want us to be the way we always were. i need you in my life and at my lowest and highest points, i think of you and realize it the most. i wish i could trust you enough to tell you everything.
14) i think i have you figured out. i hope i'm right...
15) you. ah, you... you're a coward. get over yourself.
hm that was a lot easier than it looks. if you think you see yourself in this list, take a guess at which one you are.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Leave a comment with your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
so i got my first A of the semester on a paper back from dainton today. can u believe it? november and its my first A? as awful as that sounds, im so glad that ive finally gotten a decent grade in one of my challenging classes. i feel like things are finally starting to pick up, at least my mood is. my spirits have lifted and im much less mopey recently. like, ive actually had some genuine good moods. :) im happy that ive gotten to a comfortable place like this in my life. im actually okay with the way things are and im incredibly relieved that i can say that with conviction.
as content as i am, im still hella stressed about the end of the year and all the projects i still have to accomplish. luckily i have a renewed sense of myself with which to tackle the massive onslaught of work i have to do within the next two weeks.
well, time to stop dicking around and start that paper i have been griping about for a week. wish me luck!
as content as i am, im still hella stressed about the end of the year and all the projects i still have to accomplish. luckily i have a renewed sense of myself with which to tackle the massive onslaught of work i have to do within the next two weeks.
well, time to stop dicking around and start that paper i have been griping about for a week. wish me luck!
Friday, November 24, 2006
today was a very good day. i was very surprised that it was such, but it really was. for those of you that know me very closely, you might know that i am not the hugest fan of my family, but it only caused by one person, my brother. he has been pretty much cool with me for the past 48 hours i have been home, which is a record. this means that home for me has been basically the most awesome thing ever. i feel like i can finally breathe again! its great!
tomorrow im going shopping with adrie and senyee, which i am super pumped about! not too keen about getting up at 7 am, but whatev. last year i got 100% of my christmas shopping done on black friday, so im aiming for a repeat performance of that.
my mom found out about my belly button ring today. it wasnt as big as a problem as i thought it would be. my cousin, in seventh grade, said "hey ur belly button is pierced" and my mom glances over and says "let me see," called my a ho, and that was it. not too bad.
time to try to sleep early. happy thanksgiving, limited readers!
tomorrow im going shopping with adrie and senyee, which i am super pumped about! not too keen about getting up at 7 am, but whatev. last year i got 100% of my christmas shopping done on black friday, so im aiming for a repeat performance of that.
my mom found out about my belly button ring today. it wasnt as big as a problem as i thought it would be. my cousin, in seventh grade, said "hey ur belly button is pierced" and my mom glances over and says "let me see," called my a ho, and that was it. not too bad.
time to try to sleep early. happy thanksgiving, limited readers!
Monday, November 13, 2006
whew! what a weekend. part of me is so glad its over with and part of me is missing it already. theres such a glorious adrenaline rush associated with doing a show. the moment where you have goosebumps and you hope the audience does too, or its your favorite part and your rapt with attention, and that shocking silence that is pierced with the first person's applause. hearing greg on the headset saying "one person standing, two, three, four, too many to count" is incredibly satisfying, its the best high in the world.
hell week however, i dont miss so much. there is so much work that i have to catch up and i am emotionally and physically EXHAUSATED. no will to live left. i will have to find some to catch up on the midterm that was due on friday!
wish me luck
hell week however, i dont miss so much. there is so much work that i have to catch up and i am emotionally and physically EXHAUSATED. no will to live left. i will have to find some to catch up on the midterm that was due on friday!
wish me luck
Friday, November 03, 2006
i have never felt so completely defeated before. i've always felt like the harder i try to get something done, the more chance of success is ensured. i guess not everything is like that.
i go out of my way to never look or feel like i am weak. i do my best to do my job, but most of the time it is at the expense of taking care of myself. as terrified as i am about the show not going well, i feel alone in my misery. i know that a lot of people are as worried as i am, but it doesnt change the fact that i feel no support in what i am doing.
i think that the lowest ive felt so far this school year was when the person that i care about the most, that i always used to rely on for support, could look at me in the face, watch me cry, and do nothing about it. theres a difference between "tough love" and apathy, and that transition has already occured.
i never felt like i was one of those people that catered to the opinions of others or even needed approval from anyone else. i don't need a huge group of friends around me 24/7, i dont need to attend a huge party every weekend with EVERYONE there, i dont need to hear that im awesome all the time. my self esteem does not rely on whether or not people like me. i like to pick one group, one circle of friends, and one special person to share my life with.
in fact, one of my bigger flaws is that i sometimes have problems relating to others, and i tend to do my own thing rather than do what others want or feel is best. something i've had to deal with my whole life is when people take what i say the wrong way. its not a unique problem, ive gotten used to the fact that i come across the wrong way a lot of the time.
maybe some of this will all be over after the show. but a lot of it existed before i even came back to school. not a lot of my friends at school know this, but over the summer i was strongly considering dropping out. every single person i've talked to told me this was a horrible idea, people from all walks of life. but, stubborn and stupid as i am, i dont listen to others when i should. registration is next week, and i am caught again with thoughts of not returning to Lasalle. its not that i dont like it here, i just dont feel like i belong. whenever im here, i have to play a part - go to class, go to work, go to meetings, get caught up in drama with friends, have a ridiculously busy schedule. its exhausting. do i really want to burn myself out like this? sometimes i feel like i cant take how social college is. theres no time to take care of myself, because i always feel like im supposed to be someplace else taking care of something else.
i used to have it all together. last year was one of the most blissful years of my life. wheres that girl who had everything under control? or at least was able to fake it? i had a system of primary support, and now its gone, and i havent adjusted yet. and its all my fault isnt it?
i go out of my way to never look or feel like i am weak. i do my best to do my job, but most of the time it is at the expense of taking care of myself. as terrified as i am about the show not going well, i feel alone in my misery. i know that a lot of people are as worried as i am, but it doesnt change the fact that i feel no support in what i am doing.
i think that the lowest ive felt so far this school year was when the person that i care about the most, that i always used to rely on for support, could look at me in the face, watch me cry, and do nothing about it. theres a difference between "tough love" and apathy, and that transition has already occured.
i never felt like i was one of those people that catered to the opinions of others or even needed approval from anyone else. i don't need a huge group of friends around me 24/7, i dont need to attend a huge party every weekend with EVERYONE there, i dont need to hear that im awesome all the time. my self esteem does not rely on whether or not people like me. i like to pick one group, one circle of friends, and one special person to share my life with.
in fact, one of my bigger flaws is that i sometimes have problems relating to others, and i tend to do my own thing rather than do what others want or feel is best. something i've had to deal with my whole life is when people take what i say the wrong way. its not a unique problem, ive gotten used to the fact that i come across the wrong way a lot of the time.
maybe some of this will all be over after the show. but a lot of it existed before i even came back to school. not a lot of my friends at school know this, but over the summer i was strongly considering dropping out. every single person i've talked to told me this was a horrible idea, people from all walks of life. but, stubborn and stupid as i am, i dont listen to others when i should. registration is next week, and i am caught again with thoughts of not returning to Lasalle. its not that i dont like it here, i just dont feel like i belong. whenever im here, i have to play a part - go to class, go to work, go to meetings, get caught up in drama with friends, have a ridiculously busy schedule. its exhausting. do i really want to burn myself out like this? sometimes i feel like i cant take how social college is. theres no time to take care of myself, because i always feel like im supposed to be someplace else taking care of something else.
i used to have it all together. last year was one of the most blissful years of my life. wheres that girl who had everything under control? or at least was able to fake it? i had a system of primary support, and now its gone, and i havent adjusted yet. and its all my fault isnt it?
Saturday, October 28, 2006
so last night's haunted house was such a blast! i was so happy when it came together and became something so impressive. shows that we can actually get shit done and be proud of ourselves when we all put effort into it. i was genuinely surprised that so many people showed up, and im so glad that all our hard work paid off. :)
now lets do a kick ass job for jekyll & hyde!!!
hm cant decide if i want to sleep, eat, or write a paper that was due yesterday.....choices choices.
now lets do a kick ass job for jekyll & hyde!!!
hm cant decide if i want to sleep, eat, or write a paper that was due yesterday.....choices choices.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Random thoughts:
Things I Like-
1) chinese food
2) weekends
3) good music
4) talking late at night
5) cutting up onions to put in spaghetti sauce
6) eating something that i cooked
7) eating something that john cooked
8) using alcohol to solve my problems
9) being proud of myself
10) singing
11) when someone else can somehow make me smile
12) diner runs
13) staying up really late in the lounge and just talking for hours
14) being too busy to think
15) being away from "home"
16) warm weather and the fourth of july
Things I Don't Like-
1) procrastination
2) feeling uncertain
3) losing control
4) when people don't know what they want
5) when i don't know what i want
6) getting accosted on the subway and feeling powerless to do anything about it
7) rain!
8) 9 am classes after 3 am diner runs
9) being too short to see in crowds :( ....shut up its a problem
10) insincere smiles....both giving and receiving them
11) when i'm not allowed to express my opinion
12) when i'm misjudged...all the time
13) being POOR!
14) feeling like no one on this campus really relates to me
15) doing my own laundry
16) cold weather and christmas
Things I Miss-
1) 8th grade...what a fun year
2) having DI until 7pm and never wanting to leave
3) room 224 and all it meant to me in sophomore year
4) basil 330 and all it meant to me last year
5) having a group of friend who knew me inside and out, but didnt judge me inappropriately
6) being completely happy for no reason at all
7) being able to say "i love you" whenever i felt like it
8) when my hair was an unnatural color
9) having a plan
10) scheming
11) seeing the future and being able to change it
12) baltimore radio stations!
13) not having to make dinner or walk to go get it
14) snow days
15) my dog
16) that wall in my bedroom at home that everyone signed
Things I Don't Miss-
1) my family (sorry, its true)
2) feeling guilty for things that were important to me
3) high school
4) coming in at 2 in the morning every night and getting up for school at 6:30
5) shane
6) dundalk
7) baltimore in general
8) lying to my parents all the time
9) being a waitress
10) hating my life and feeling unable to change it
11) hearing the yelling before i even enter my house
12) sneaking out, sneaking back in, and no one even noticing or caring where i was for 6 hours
13) arguments with my mom
14) being hungry
15) hating the way i look
16) math class
Things I Like-
1) chinese food
2) weekends
3) good music
4) talking late at night
5) cutting up onions to put in spaghetti sauce
6) eating something that i cooked
7) eating something that john cooked
8) using alcohol to solve my problems
9) being proud of myself
10) singing
11) when someone else can somehow make me smile
12) diner runs
13) staying up really late in the lounge and just talking for hours
14) being too busy to think
15) being away from "home"
16) warm weather and the fourth of july
Things I Don't Like-
1) procrastination
2) feeling uncertain
3) losing control
4) when people don't know what they want
5) when i don't know what i want
6) getting accosted on the subway and feeling powerless to do anything about it
7) rain!
8) 9 am classes after 3 am diner runs
9) being too short to see in crowds :( ....shut up its a problem
10) insincere smiles....both giving and receiving them
11) when i'm not allowed to express my opinion
12) when i'm misjudged...all the time
13) being POOR!
14) feeling like no one on this campus really relates to me
15) doing my own laundry
16) cold weather and christmas
Things I Miss-
1) 8th grade...what a fun year
2) having DI until 7pm and never wanting to leave
3) room 224 and all it meant to me in sophomore year
4) basil 330 and all it meant to me last year
5) having a group of friend who knew me inside and out, but didnt judge me inappropriately
6) being completely happy for no reason at all
7) being able to say "i love you" whenever i felt like it
8) when my hair was an unnatural color
9) having a plan
10) scheming
11) seeing the future and being able to change it
12) baltimore radio stations!
13) not having to make dinner or walk to go get it
14) snow days
15) my dog
16) that wall in my bedroom at home that everyone signed
Things I Don't Miss-
1) my family (sorry, its true)
2) feeling guilty for things that were important to me
3) high school
4) coming in at 2 in the morning every night and getting up for school at 6:30
5) shane
6) dundalk
7) baltimore in general
8) lying to my parents all the time
9) being a waitress
10) hating my life and feeling unable to change it
11) hearing the yelling before i even enter my house
12) sneaking out, sneaking back in, and no one even noticing or caring where i was for 6 hours
13) arguments with my mom
14) being hungry
15) hating the way i look
16) math class
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