long time no update

so i figured after browsing everyone else blogs, i ought to update my own. it's only fair and all, considering i have yet to update for the entire semester.

looking back on fall '07 kind of depresses me. i feel like most of my time was spent running from one responsibility to the other, completely in autopilot. i never really stopped, or even slowed down to think to take care of myself and my own needs and wants. somewhere between VP business, BSM for Urinetown, internship at the DA's office, planning and executing the entire Haunted House, Writing Fellows, Writing Tutor, and work study in the English Department, i ended up with no free time.

go figure.

this resulted, as anyone who has seen me post Urinetown knows, in a chronic illness that just wouldn't quit. not only was i sick for about 3 weeks (which is outlandish) but i also ended up burning out by the last two weeks of the semester. i realized it the moment that i sat down to begin a few of the final papers that were due for my classes. i just kind of gazed at my walls with colorful post-it notes that were full of untouched to-do lists, looking at my trashcan and floor that was littered with finished to-do lists, and realized that my whole damn semester was full of things that i NEEDED to get done. not wanted to do. not always enjoyed doing. this realization came at a shitty time, because it made me extremely reluctant to finish my final papers for my classes. i ended up turning in one of them 24 hours late. which, at my mindset at the time, wasn't that big of a deal.

i ended up trying to spend as much time as i could doing whatever the hell i wanted to do in the last two weeks of school. i student rushed Peter Pan at the walnut street theatre. AMAZING! i went to a BYO and got drunk, two Tuesday nights in a row. Funnest thing ever! i made plans to go to the franklin institute drunk.... that didnt end up happening, but we did shots and watched Cabaret instead. which would have been awesome, had the movie not sucked.... liza minelli tried to save it, but failed. i went shopping on south street before sweeney todd and impulse-bought cute underwear! anyway, my point being, i milked everything that i could out of the time that i had. its sad that most of my leisure moments of the semester were found in December. i remember that most days of the week and weekends, i was so tired from my incredibly long, busy days, all i wanted to do was come home and relax, instead of do something fun. this depresses me.

my burnout for the semester is still killing me. i have a lot of stuff to accomplish over break, and im being languid at best in my efforts to tackle it. i feel really very pathetic. if all of my various positions are draining me, why do i do them? what do i really gain from kicking myself in the ass every day of the week?

the best i can do is make changes for the spring. and i've already made a good choice, i am pretty sure. i quit producer of the mavericks. i knew that i wouldn't be able to devote the time and effort that it deserves. i immediately knew that deferring this position to someone else was a good choice because the day after i quit, i noticed ads up for submitting scripts. i felt relieved. as much as i care about mavericks, and would have LOVED producing, i wasn't able to do it justice with all of the other crap i had swirling around in my life. john will do a fantastic job.

here's to recharging my batteries after draining them entirely...