holy crap, i actually have a bit of free time? this is a complete accident. the beginnings of my week are usually so jam packed its a wonder i accomplish anything.
project appalachia is coming up! and so is baby week(s)! i'm so excited for both. im a bit worried though. i had a strange illness 2 weeks ago, i was pretty much incapacitated for a week. i rushed home to see a doctor and he gave me a tentative diagnosis of Meniere's disease. (google it). he has to do some testing to confirm it, but i had all the symptoms of an attack - severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting, and ringing fullness and loss of hearing in one ear. basically, hearing that scared me. in order to prevent another attack, i need to avoid caffiene, alcohol, stress, and get enough sleep every night and eat three full meals a day. basically, do everything thats contrary to my current lifestyle and schedule. im definitely terrified of another attack, i lost an entire week, a lot of school work, and was extremely weakened by the experience. i was so terrified that i missed so much of everything....the service trips auction, opening night of drawer boy, about 7 of my writing fellows appointments, things like that. it was an incredible struggle to go to drawer boy at all. i ignored my doctors orders and went back to school two days eariler that he recommended. i struggled to finish my two platforms for eboard and somehow stay on my feet during my week of recovery. my hearing is mostly returned but i still get dizzy if i turn my head to the right.
im really annoyed at this stupid thing. i dont need this in my life right now. i have a lot of responsibilities and am pretty busy with them all. im not very good at taking care of myself and this illness has already really gotten in the way! i feel like i missed so much, and im going to continue to miss things. for example i have to miss a production meeting for philadelphia story this thursday (!!!!) because im going home for the testing. this is incredily frustrating. i hate feeling worried that if i dont get enough sleep or skip a meal i will have an attack and will lose another week. just that one weekend really set me askew. i feel behind already and i hate that feeling!
i have been really worried about this, it came at such a weird time. im finally feeling happy and adjusted and recovered from the semester from hell (aka fall '06) and like i can really do anything i want to...i just feel a renewed sense of autonomy and comfort, like im just ok with the way life is going right now. then this attack happened, now i have to wonder if i need to incorporate a new set of habits into my lifestyle. will i be able to help at tech during hell week? will i be able to use power tools at project appalachia? will i be able to keep up with all my work in my classes and AD the one act, and do tech for philadelphia story, and take a kid for the masque, and learn all the responsibilities of VP business, and keep myself healthy enough to not have any more attacks? is something i really need to take seriously? im just glad that this didnt happen during J & H. what a shitshow that would have been. what would have happened if i had gotten sick then? what if i get sick during finals week?
the biggest blessing out of this is that i have really supportive friends that are there for me when i need help and care about me when something happens. its really humbling having four ppl help me walk down the hall and helping me into my dads car holding my barf bag the whole time. but it really made me appreciate what i have. if it werent for a good friend at my computer, sending out emails that i was dictating in between vomiting into a trash can, i wouldnt have been able to let anyone know what was going on with me. many people asked me if i was ok when i showed up for drawer boy performances, and granted, i couldnt hear them very well, but i appreciated their concern. i guess i tend to stress my friends out when i do stubborn things like try to push myself when im weak, but im sorry, its in my nature. i never know when to say no or take care of myself. i guess thats what this experience is supposed to teach me.
well here goes. i have testing this friday, leaving on thursday after class, and trying hard to return to lasalle in time for my lab on friday morning. we'll see how that goes.
good night world
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3 comments:
hey there,
I stumbled across your blog post when i was researching meniere's disease. After 2 months of dizziness, ear fullness and just feeling like crap I've been told that I may have Meniere's disease. I'll have more tests done next week and then an MRI.
Anyways, in addition to cutting out all the coffee (I've been drinking coffee for 15 years now), alcohol, etc. that you listed I've also been told to switch to a low salt diet. It's been 2 plus weeks on the low salt and this week my ear fullness has been much improved (don't know if there's direct correlation here though). Also, I did some research on the web on alternative treatments for Meniere's and I saw that Tai Chi and acupuncture have helped some manage their condition. I've been doing Tai Chi (a Chinese martial art that focuses on breathing and 'energy') for a couple weeks too and at the very least consider it a good work out.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know that type of stress you're talking about not wanting it to slow you down. I'm a new father and support the family and it scares me that I might have a condition that would prohibit me from working / taking care of the family. Take care.
hey miss - just stumbled across your blog. we just studied meniere's in anatomy it didn't sound like fun in there and hearing about it from someone who actually has it makes it sound even worse. just take it easy - no one will think less of you for it...and if they do, well screw them!
we leave for appalachia tomorrow and its gonna be way fun =)
~Pam
Alyssa,
I Googled it. Wow. Jekyll and Hyde left me with a distinct reinforcement of my impression that you were a hard worker, and now this. I've never had a friend come down with a chronic illness. Yes, a friend--while I don't pretend to be one of your closest, I do consider you a good friend. So, wow, what to say? I suppose if there was only one thing to say, in some attempt to keep this brief, I'll say this: out of the entire body of people I know, there are very few people who I know of who could take on a condition such as this and continue to function as themselves. To me you are one of those capable people. I understand stubborn. I understand tenacious and unwilling to give in. If this turns out after the further testing to actually be Meniere's disease, I honestly think you could take on the challenge and give it hell. I could never picture you doing anything other than living life to your rules. So have fun and do lots of good at Appalachia, and know you're in my prayers.
~Doug
Peace and Good Things :)
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