i was told to update

holy crap, i actually have a bit of free time? this is a complete accident. the beginnings of my week are usually so jam packed its a wonder i accomplish anything.

project appalachia is coming up! and so is baby week(s)! i'm so excited for both. im a bit worried though. i had a strange illness 2 weeks ago, i was pretty much incapacitated for a week. i rushed home to see a doctor and he gave me a tentative diagnosis of Meniere's disease. (google it). he has to do some testing to confirm it, but i had all the symptoms of an attack - severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting, and ringing fullness and loss of hearing in one ear. basically, hearing that scared me. in order to prevent another attack, i need to avoid caffiene, alcohol, stress, and get enough sleep every night and eat three full meals a day. basically, do everything thats contrary to my current lifestyle and schedule. im definitely terrified of another attack, i lost an entire week, a lot of school work, and was extremely weakened by the experience. i was so terrified that i missed so much of everything....the service trips auction, opening night of drawer boy, about 7 of my writing fellows appointments, things like that. it was an incredible struggle to go to drawer boy at all. i ignored my doctors orders and went back to school two days eariler that he recommended. i struggled to finish my two platforms for eboard and somehow stay on my feet during my week of recovery. my hearing is mostly returned but i still get dizzy if i turn my head to the right.

im really annoyed at this stupid thing. i dont need this in my life right now. i have a lot of responsibilities and am pretty busy with them all. im not very good at taking care of myself and this illness has already really gotten in the way! i feel like i missed so much, and im going to continue to miss things. for example i have to miss a production meeting for philadelphia story this thursday (!!!!) because im going home for the testing. this is incredily frustrating. i hate feeling worried that if i dont get enough sleep or skip a meal i will have an attack and will lose another week. just that one weekend really set me askew. i feel behind already and i hate that feeling!

i have been really worried about this, it came at such a weird time. im finally feeling happy and adjusted and recovered from the semester from hell (aka fall '06) and like i can really do anything i want to...i just feel a renewed sense of autonomy and comfort, like im just ok with the way life is going right now. then this attack happened, now i have to wonder if i need to incorporate a new set of habits into my lifestyle. will i be able to help at tech during hell week? will i be able to use power tools at project appalachia? will i be able to keep up with all my work in my classes and AD the one act, and do tech for philadelphia story, and take a kid for the masque, and learn all the responsibilities of VP business, and keep myself healthy enough to not have any more attacks? is something i really need to take seriously? im just glad that this didnt happen during J & H. what a shitshow that would have been. what would have happened if i had gotten sick then? what if i get sick during finals week?

the biggest blessing out of this is that i have really supportive friends that are there for me when i need help and care about me when something happens. its really humbling having four ppl help me walk down the hall and helping me into my dads car holding my barf bag the whole time. but it really made me appreciate what i have. if it werent for a good friend at my computer, sending out emails that i was dictating in between vomiting into a trash can, i wouldnt have been able to let anyone know what was going on with me. many people asked me if i was ok when i showed up for drawer boy performances, and granted, i couldnt hear them very well, but i appreciated their concern. i guess i tend to stress my friends out when i do stubborn things like try to push myself when im weak, but im sorry, its in my nature. i never know when to say no or take care of myself. i guess thats what this experience is supposed to teach me.

well here goes. i have testing this friday, leaving on thursday after class, and trying hard to return to lasalle in time for my lab on friday morning. we'll see how that goes.

good night world