bah humbug :)

since i am infamous for hating christmas, i decided that after having a wonderful one, i ought to write about it. :) one of my resolutions is to write about the good stuff in this blog so that i can go back and look at it later.

christmas wasn't so bad this year. i did the whole family function thing, basically i socialized a little and drank a lot of wine. i came home and immediately changed into my pajamas, and began IMing adrie and senyee. eventually all three of us were telling each other about some tough stuff we were going through at home. adrie said, "im bored, restless, and its still really early. i want to go out but nothings open" and i said "lets find a diner or something, we need to get out of here" and we convinced senyee to come too. adrie sprang into the car, and picked us both up, and we headed to Dennys for an overextended late night second dinner. it was glorious, we talked and laughed and chilled out for a few hours, eating dark chocolate truffles in celebration of us hating the holidays, and generally unwinding and enjoying each others company. adrie and i were still in our pajamas. eventually, i came home and bounded upstairs, unable to stop smiling.

just that few hours with my friends really relaxed me and made everything ok again. it reminded me of a conversation that brian, jon, adrie, senyee and i had while we were in the hot tub on the ski trip. adrie senyee and i found our true friends in each other in high school, whereas traditionally, people connect with each other in a meaningful way at college. my high school experience with these girls was... let's say, less than traditional. we had crazy, crazy times in high school and we were always there for each other. some people dont find long lasting friendships until college, but we have each other and i feel like we always will.

at school, i feel i have no time at all for me. at home, i have nothing but time. time to reflect on home, family, my brother, my mom, etc. i have been doing my best to escape home since junior year of high school, and i am continuing to do that by going on trips i cant afford, with people who are trying to escape just the way i am. its incredibly comforting to be able to rely on someone to randomly decide to spend a few hours talking at dennys on christmas night when the holidays were getting me down. to have two people to share that with is truly a blessing. i have had quite a few lows in my life. and instead of abandoning me because i was a shitshow, my friends hunkered down and picked me up, stayed by me, and sweated out all of my destruction. i hurt them. i have been hurt by them. and the beauty is that somehow we realize that sometimes we all hurt each other because they are hurting too. and thats ok somehow.

......wow. this post got way more emotional than i expected. basically, this christmas was the best one ive had in a few years. and my friends made it happen for me. and im eternally thankful to have them in my life.

heres to my weird friends who really get me....

woo hoo

wow..... i am back from the best vacation i have had in a while. i went on a ski trip with 7 other people for the last 3 days, and i have to say that it was just what i needed. there were 3 people that were my best friends in the world for years, and there were 4 people that i really didn't know at all, so it was the perfect balance of getting to hang out with my best friends and hanging out with new, cool people.

among the highlights of the trip:
-being stranded in the car when it was too icy to get back up the driveway we came down; scary as hell at the time, but hilarious now
-the house; it was awesome! (once we found it)
-drinking the first night we were there
-epic drunk adventures through the snow
-the jacuzzi! soooooooo great!
-the pool!
-drinking in the jacuzzi and the pool!
-secret girltalk at every random opportunity :)


among the lowlights:
-i suck at skiing. seriously. im a miserable, walking bruise.
-there was one place to eat in miles
-we couldnt shoot pool at the lame ass bar
-we stayed for only 2 nights!!! sad times!
-we ended up in levittown instead of philadelphia when we came home

overall, KICKASS vacation, despite minor minor setbacks. i cant wait to go again! (if i decide to do that) it was just exactly the kind of thing that i needed.

yay contentment!

long time no update

so i figured after browsing everyone else blogs, i ought to update my own. it's only fair and all, considering i have yet to update for the entire semester.

looking back on fall '07 kind of depresses me. i feel like most of my time was spent running from one responsibility to the other, completely in autopilot. i never really stopped, or even slowed down to think to take care of myself and my own needs and wants. somewhere between VP business, BSM for Urinetown, internship at the DA's office, planning and executing the entire Haunted House, Writing Fellows, Writing Tutor, and work study in the English Department, i ended up with no free time.

go figure.

this resulted, as anyone who has seen me post Urinetown knows, in a chronic illness that just wouldn't quit. not only was i sick for about 3 weeks (which is outlandish) but i also ended up burning out by the last two weeks of the semester. i realized it the moment that i sat down to begin a few of the final papers that were due for my classes. i just kind of gazed at my walls with colorful post-it notes that were full of untouched to-do lists, looking at my trashcan and floor that was littered with finished to-do lists, and realized that my whole damn semester was full of things that i NEEDED to get done. not wanted to do. not always enjoyed doing. this realization came at a shitty time, because it made me extremely reluctant to finish my final papers for my classes. i ended up turning in one of them 24 hours late. which, at my mindset at the time, wasn't that big of a deal.

i ended up trying to spend as much time as i could doing whatever the hell i wanted to do in the last two weeks of school. i student rushed Peter Pan at the walnut street theatre. AMAZING! i went to a BYO and got drunk, two Tuesday nights in a row. Funnest thing ever! i made plans to go to the franklin institute drunk.... that didnt end up happening, but we did shots and watched Cabaret instead. which would have been awesome, had the movie not sucked.... liza minelli tried to save it, but failed. i went shopping on south street before sweeney todd and impulse-bought cute underwear! anyway, my point being, i milked everything that i could out of the time that i had. its sad that most of my leisure moments of the semester were found in December. i remember that most days of the week and weekends, i was so tired from my incredibly long, busy days, all i wanted to do was come home and relax, instead of do something fun. this depresses me.

my burnout for the semester is still killing me. i have a lot of stuff to accomplish over break, and im being languid at best in my efforts to tackle it. i feel really very pathetic. if all of my various positions are draining me, why do i do them? what do i really gain from kicking myself in the ass every day of the week?

the best i can do is make changes for the spring. and i've already made a good choice, i am pretty sure. i quit producer of the mavericks. i knew that i wouldn't be able to devote the time and effort that it deserves. i immediately knew that deferring this position to someone else was a good choice because the day after i quit, i noticed ads up for submitting scripts. i felt relieved. as much as i care about mavericks, and would have LOVED producing, i wasn't able to do it justice with all of the other crap i had swirling around in my life. john will do a fantastic job.

here's to recharging my batteries after draining them entirely...