So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing
Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection...
My mom loves that song, the one from the Muppet movie. When I was very young, my mom told me that she wanted that song played at her funeral, just because it was her favorite. Since then, I was very aware that one day my mom was going to die. It didn't trouble me then. Maybe I have a lot more going up to do because the idea sure as hell troubles me now.
I do not regret for a second spending the summer at La Salle. When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, I suffered greatly through some uncertainty about whether or not I wanted to stay home in Baltimore for the summer. Obviously, the news scared me and I instantly wanted to be closer to home and to her. The first couple of weeks of summer, I had terrible, terrible nightmares involving my guilt about staying at La Salle. Now, I am so glad that I decided to stay and become a Day ONE host.
Today was absolutely phenomenal. I had a fantastic group of students that were really cool, really into participating in the activities, made a lot of great connections with each other and me, and really just opened up and got along great as a group. No one likes a Monday, no matter how great your job is, and being a host is a LOT of work, so it's definitely hard to get motivated after a long relaxing weekend. This group of kids really made my day, and made me realize why I chose to do this. I want to thank each and every one of them for being so completely great.
The summer is off to a ridiculous start. We had our first party in our townhouse, the first big dinner, the first trip to the beach. The other hosts and I got to know each other so well throughout training and being on duty together, and generally spending all our time together. It's been really amazing. I'm glad I've gotten a chance to get to know these people, most of whom I know of, but didn't really know anything about them. Everything really seems to be coming together and we work well together so far.
My relationship with Jeff is blossoming very nicely too. It makes me so happy to have such a complete joy. I make it home when I can. Mom starts radiation therapy in two weeks. Chemotherapy will probably come later in the year, although it is definitely coming. I have no idea how I am going to handle that when it begins to happen, but I know that I will have a wonderful support system in place to come to in case I need someone to lean on.
Watching all the parents with their new freshmen fills me with nostalgia and sentimentality. I remember how my mom must have felt to have to "give me up" at Day ONE. Given that her life is in danger from the cancer, remembering how she must have felt at my Day ONE (back when I was too stupid and self-centered to care) breaks my heart.
If anyone reads this, (which no one does) call your mom and tell her you love her. Like right now. She's not gonna be around forever.
...the lovers, the dreamers, and me.
I do not regret for a second spending the summer at La Salle. When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, I suffered greatly through some uncertainty about whether or not I wanted to stay home in Baltimore for the summer. Obviously, the news scared me and I instantly wanted to be closer to home and to her. The first couple of weeks of summer, I had terrible, terrible nightmares involving my guilt about staying at La Salle. Now, I am so glad that I decided to stay and become a Day ONE host.
Today was absolutely phenomenal. I had a fantastic group of students that were really cool, really into participating in the activities, made a lot of great connections with each other and me, and really just opened up and got along great as a group. No one likes a Monday, no matter how great your job is, and being a host is a LOT of work, so it's definitely hard to get motivated after a long relaxing weekend. This group of kids really made my day, and made me realize why I chose to do this. I want to thank each and every one of them for being so completely great.
The summer is off to a ridiculous start. We had our first party in our townhouse, the first big dinner, the first trip to the beach. The other hosts and I got to know each other so well throughout training and being on duty together, and generally spending all our time together. It's been really amazing. I'm glad I've gotten a chance to get to know these people, most of whom I know of, but didn't really know anything about them. Everything really seems to be coming together and we work well together so far.
My relationship with Jeff is blossoming very nicely too. It makes me so happy to have such a complete joy. I make it home when I can. Mom starts radiation therapy in two weeks. Chemotherapy will probably come later in the year, although it is definitely coming. I have no idea how I am going to handle that when it begins to happen, but I know that I will have a wonderful support system in place to come to in case I need someone to lean on.
Watching all the parents with their new freshmen fills me with nostalgia and sentimentality. I remember how my mom must have felt to have to "give me up" at Day ONE. Given that her life is in danger from the cancer, remembering how she must have felt at my Day ONE (back when I was too stupid and self-centered to care) breaks my heart.
If anyone reads this, (which no one does) call your mom and tell her you love her. Like right now. She's not gonna be around forever.
...the lovers, the dreamers, and me.
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